Regrets
by Pari
Summary: A crisis, revelation, and confession...Oh MY


He couldn't help just to laugh inside at the irony of this moment. "So, you're here to shoot me, been there done that." He said nonchalantly although he was terrified at the thought of getting shot again. He wearily watched the man standing before him, pointing the gun.

"I thought about it." The man replied. "Then I thought that's just too easy. You took the only person in this fucked up world that I cared about."

"She had cancer, a tumor the size of…"

"I know that," The man yelled as he took a step closer, the gun still aimed. "But she still had time. Dr. Wilson said there was a treatment that had a 65 survival rate. She had a chance but you…you just had to do your experiment, like she was some gotdamn lab rat."

"She agreed to it, she wanted…"

"To live. She wanted to live and you twisted her arm by making her think she could still have children, even though Dr. Wilson said that it was unlikely with the treatment he wanted to use."

"She could have, there was a chance…"

"A very small one. I watched you; you didn't really care about Jenny. The other doctors involved said that it shouldn't be done, but you just had to prove them wrong. Now you're gonna hurt like I hurt. I've taken someone you seem to care about, and she's gonna die painfully just like you made Jenny. Now you'll have to live with the knowledge that today you've caused the deaths of three people." House bunched his brow in confusion at the man's statement about someone he loved, and the deaths of three people, but realization instantly dawn about the man's last statement when the man turned the nozzle of the gun to his temple.

"No, DON'T!" House yelled but to deaf ears, as the man's body crumbled to the floor.

* * *

"This is becoming a regular thing with you Dr. House," Detective Erickson said as he wrote some notes in his pad. "So the guy got upset with you because you couldn't save his girlfriend and he tried to off himself in front of you." He asked and House who stood leaning against the front of his desk only nodded his head as he watched the other doctor and nurses try to stabilize the man that still lay on his office floor. "And he also stated that he'd taken and possibly killed someone you care, yet you have no idea who?" Detective Erickson continued and again House simply nodded as he watched the man get wheeled from the room on a gurney, most likely heading up to the OR. "Well considering the timeframe I'd say this would be someone close by, possibly somewhere in the building." These words caught House's attention and he looked up at the detective. "What?" Erickson asked as House turned and yanked up his phone and began dialing.

"Let me speak to Cuddy." He barked to Cuddy's secretary Janet. "So she's in her office…a visitor, is he still there?" Wilson rushed in at that moment.

"House, what…" House shushed him with the wave of his hand.

"She left with him. Was this a young guy, brown shaggy hair, wearing a Thin Lizzy tee shirt? Damnit!" He said as he slammed the phone back down on the hook. "He took Cuddy."

* * *

"I still don't get it." Wilson said as he and House anxiously awaited news. "How did you know it was Cuddy? Why would he take Cuddy?"

"I don't know go ask him." House answered irritably, not seeing the point for Wilson's line of questioning, and not willing to even delve into how a stranger could see what he himself wasn't yet willing to admit existed.

"Wait…do you care about Cuddy?" Wilson asked and House fidgeted a bit under his gaze, but before Wilson could probe further, Erickson, who had been just outside House's office door talking with other officers, walked back into the office.

"Well, my guys just finished looking through the security tapes, our guy left the building alone but about ten minutes later he's seen re-entering, we figure that's when he got the gun, it was probably in the car. Your boss lady isn't seen leaving at all. So her body's still somewhere in the building."

"We don't know for sure that she's dead." Wilson interjected.

"No but we know this guy obviously had a death wish, was grieving, and royally pissed at Dr. House here. He wanted to hurt him and felt this Dr. Cuddy was the way to do it. I hope she's alive, I really do, but the situation and nearly 26 years of experience tells me she most likely dead. I'm sorry."

"We still need to search for her," Wilson said.

"Of course, I've already set up a base of operations down in the lobby, we're going to search this place from top to bottom, inside and out. She's here somewhere and we're going to find her." Erickson assured.

"I'm coming," House said as he pushed himself from the desk, stood, and grasped his cane.

"No civilians, sorry."

"There's no one else in this building that knows the best places to hide a body," Wilson said and Detective Erickson arched his brow in curiosity. "Because…he spends his entire day hiding out to keep from having to do clinic hours." Wilson quickly added.

"Very well, but take this," Erickson said as he handed House the radio he had been holding. "We'll get you one from the lobby," He said to Wilson. "It's already set to the right frequency so if you find anything just press that red button and let us know where you are."

* * *

"Ok, you stay here and look around, and make sure you check the morgue." House barked orders to Wilson, who simply nodded his head in agreement. "I'm going to check the boiler room."

"That's a pretty big area, and you'd have to take the stair to get there. You sure you don't want me to go?" Wilson offered.

"Just come when you're done looking up here, and call me the second you find her."

"Right, you too," Wilson said and then watched House enter the stairwell leading to the boiler room, before he turned and began his search.

* * *

"Cuddy!" He yelled out, he had been there for nearly an hour searching, but hadn't found any clues that Cuddy had been there. Suddenly his cell phone rang. "What?" He answered already knowing who it was. "No…but if you'd quit calling every minute I could concentrate and probably hear some…" House fell silent as a thought hit him. "I'll call you back," He said before ending the call and quickly began dialing a number. After a few seconds he could hear ringing through the earpiece. He pulled the phone from his ear and listened. He could hear a faint ringing that seemed to be coming from somewhere behind him. He turned and hurriedly hobbled in the direction of the ringing.

* * *

He found her in a dank dark corner, curled up with her back to him. He held his breath as he cautiously stepped to her. As he got closer he slipped a couple of times and when he looked down he realized it was her blood. He kneeled down beside her not caring that he was getting covered in her blood. "Lisa," He called out to her as he reached out and grasped her shoulder. He was slightly relieved when he felt her shoulders heaving up and down. He knew she was panting and gasping for air, and was probably in a lot of pain, but at least now he knew for sure that she was breathing, that she was alive.

He gently turned her so she was lying on her back. She stared upward to a fixed position on the ceiling of the boiler room, not acknowledging his presence. Her face was a pasty white and her damp hair clung to it. He quickly began assessing her, checking her pulse and the dilation of her eyes. He then focused on the wound, which was bleeding profusely even though Cuddy had both hands clutching it, attempting to stop the bleeding. When he touched her hand she flinched a bit and locked her eyes to his. A look of relief fell over her face and her mouth fell open allowing a strangled cry to escape as fresh tears spilled from her eyes. "Hey, this is one hell of a place to play hooky, I'll have to remember it the next time I'm hiding from you." He joked as he threw her a reassuring smile, not wanting to let her see just how worried he really was. He removed his hand and she let out a groan and her face contorted with a frighten look. "I'm just calling for help, there's a lot of people looking for you right now, just want to let them all know I've found you." He watched her and didn't move until he saw the calm come over her face. He then grasped the radio Erickson had given him. "Hey if anybody can hear this, I found her down in the boiler room. Get a gurney down here fast, and she's AB positive so bring as much blood as you can spare."

* * *

Wilson had found him in the waiting room of the OR. He sat in a far corner leaning forward in the chair as he rested his hands and chin atop the handle of his cane. The other patrons in the room eyed him, some in suspicion and others with sympathy as they looked at the blood that coated his clothes and hands.

"Hey," Wilson greeted as he stood before House holding out some scrubs. "Thought you might want to go freshen up a bit.

"Thanks," House mumbled but made no move to retrieve the garments from his friend's hands. Wilson sighed and quietly sat beside him.

"Still no word?"

"No, and they've barred me from the OR."

"Well, you are covered in blood…"

"It's her blood, besides I would have cleaned up before entering but that jackass Radjah said I was too personally involved to assist. What the hell does that even mean?" House ranted.

"Well, you were pretty distraught when they brought her in. You decked an intern…"

"He was an idiot. He was about to give her Miradon. What kind of doctor gives a blood thinner to a patient who'd lost as much blood as Cuddy did?" Wilson had to agree it was a dumb move.

"You wouldn't let anyone help you, help her, not even me. Do you think I'm an idiot too?" House just shook his head. "You seemed a bit panicked."

"Of course I was panicked do you know how hard it was to train Cuddy, to break her in and mold her to my liking. I don't want to have to go through all that again with a new dean."

"Don't!" Wilson said loudly causing several people to stare at him startled, including House. "Don't make jokes, not now, not when she might not make it through surgery. You and I both know that's not the reason you panicked and it's not the reason you've been waiting here for nearly four hours. Is it so hard for you to admit that you have feelings, that you give a damn about somebody other than yourself?" House stared at Wilson shamefully but before he could reply they were interrupted.

"Dr. House…Dr. Wilson," A female doctor dressed from head to toe in scrubs called to them from the doorway. They both quickly stood and moved to her.

"Dr, Radjah, how is she?" Wilson asked.

"Well she made it through surgery, though we lost her a couple of times on the table. But you know how it goes the next 48 hours are critical; there was a lot of damage and I had to remove her right Ovary and Fallopian tube." Both Wilson and House inwardly winced at that news, since they knew that Cuddy had been trying to get pregnant, and knew now it would be even more difficult for her, if not imporssible. "I left Dr. Jones to close her up which should be another 20 to 30 minutes, then they'll take her up to ICU."

"Thanks Dr. Radjah." Wilson said and the woman nodded before she turned and left. "I'll let you take the first visit." Wilson said and then walked off, still a bit angry about House's earlier comment. House decided he'd find some way to make it up to Wilson later, at the moment he wanted to make sure that Cuddy would be ok.

* * *

It had been voices that pulled him from his deep sleep. The voices had been distant at first but grew louder and louder. He opened his eyes and they locked onto a nurse who was changing out the IV bag beside the bed. He then noticed that something was stroking his hair, so he lifted it from the spot he had been resting against Cuddy's lap. Electric blue met electric blue.

"Hi sleepy head." Her soft voice filled his ears, and he thought it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

"Hey, you're…how long…"

"She awoke a couple of hours ago." The nurse answered.

"And why didn't you wake me?" House asked as he frowned at the younger woman.

"Believe me we wanted to, it was hard checking her over with a big lump laying across her lap," The nurse threw out with a smile as Cuddy chuckled a bit. "But she insisted that we let you sleep."

"You looked tired, and like you hadn't shaven for days." Cuddy replied as she reached out and scratched at his chin.

"I'll check back in an hour, then we have to get those scans and some blood work." The nurse said before she left out, leaving House and Cuddy alone.

"Thank you, for saving my life." Cuddy threw out casually. House dropped his eyes a bit.

"Well, technically I'm the reason your life needed saving in the first place,"

"Yeah I heard bits and pieces about it, but I still didn't understand why he shot me." Cuddy stated and House took a deep breath before he spoke again.

"Because he discovered my secret," He said as he stared down at her hands a moment before looking up directly into her eyes. She watched him curiously but silently, feeling that what he was about to say was something serious and important. "He knew the only way to hurt me would be to make me do clinic hours…" Cuddy rolled her eyes a bit as a smile crept across her face. "So he concocted this sinister plan, he'd take you out, knowing they'd bring in someone new, who'd actually make me do them. I get the hebegebees just thinking about it. Uggghhh," He said as he made his body shiver a bit.

"Speaking of clinic hours, don't think you're excused for the six days you've missed because you've been hovering at my bedside like a vulture." Cuddy said and then giggled at the pout House had on his face.

He stayed with her until the nurses finally kicked him out, but he returned as soon as they had wheeled her back from getting her CT scan. They spent most of the night playing poker and watching TV, when they weren't bickering. Morning found him in the same spot that he had been occupying for six days, a spot he wouldn't budge from even when Cuddy's parents had come to sit with her. He and Cuddy had shared her breakfast and had been fighting over the morning paper, when the nurse came for Cuddy's morning sponge bath. House had volunteered to administer it, but the nurse had ushered him from the room and locked him out. As he waited outside he saw Wilson at the nurses station.

"Hey," House spoke and he limped over to his friend, and Wilson turned to face him briefly before focusing back onto the chart he held.

"Hello Dr. House," He said formally and House knew he was still pissed at him.

"Look, I'm sorry about before." House apologized but Wilson didn't acknowledge his words having heard them many times before, and knew they held no real merit. "Really." House added and Wilson looked at him and was astonished to see that the man before him was actually being sincere. Wilson didn't know what to say at first, so he stammered through his word.

"Uhm…ugh, well ok then."

"She's awake." House stated.

"Yeah, I know I saw her yesterday when she was down for her CTs. She looks good considering all she's been through." Wilson said as he settled into the more casual stance he usually had around House. "She asked me what happened, you know with the guy who shot her. I told her he didn't make it through surgery. Then she asked me why he had picked her, i told her I did know much."

"Yeah, she asked me too." House replied.

"And did you tell her…the truth?" House only shook his head. "You should tell her, she deserves to know and if you don't you'll only regret it later." With that Wilson placed the chart he'd been holding back into the bin at the nurse's station and then headed off back to his office. "Oh and I'm liking the new look, Grizzly Adams." Wilson twirled and threw out before continuing on his way. House had to chuckle at the crack to his untrimmed bread and mustache. House turned back to Cuddy's room door just as the nurse was coming out. He entered and found Cuddy towel drying her wet hair, which sat in limp curls about her head and across her shoulder. She smiled at him in greeting. He turned and closed the door and then moved back to his seat at her bedside.

"You asked me earlier about what happened to you," He began and she stilled in her movements and gave him her undivided attention. "You wanted to know why you were shot, why he chose you. Truth is I didn't really know myself, even though he told me why before he shot himself. It didn't really dawn on me, not even when I found you…lying there in a puddle of your own blood, but when…" His voice started to crack and so he paused and cleared his throat. "When I thought that you might die, that I might lose…he took you, because he wanted to hurt me. He took you because somehow he knew how I felt, how I feel. He knew that I..."


End file.
